Telemarketing Calls: In Which I Have a Meltdown

Ever since we moved to Cincinnati and received our telephone number, we have been plagued with collection calls for two or three of the same people.  While I realize I could just not answer the phone for “unknown” or 800 number calls, I thought that it would be more prudent to answer them, tell them we don’t know whoever it is that they are calling for, and for them to remove our number, so they might stop calling in the first place.  What has made this task more troublesome is that not only is it our ‘real’ telephone number that they call, (0017) but the suffix 0051 apparently rings to our line.  I don’t know why.  So it’s kind of like we have two lines that ring to our house.  Unfortunately, the person who had 0051 before it started ringing to our 0017 number also has credit and collection issues, so I have been dealing with these calls times two.  For each call and creditor, I have to say, “no, we don’t know who that is.  Remove our telephone number from your list, please.  My telephone number?  Didn't you just call me?  Don’t you know what number you called?”  Then I have to explain this bazaar happenstance that we have two lines and I have no idea why.  It has been a gargantuan task, but finally I have whittled it down to getting a call about every few months now for persons unknown to us.

So imagine my sheer annoyance at being harassed by telemarketers for US Bank, where Phillip is actually a customer.  Now I would understand them contacting us every day if we were late on payments or something.  But they call every day to try to sell Phillip whatever latest product they think we are missing out on.  Perhaps every day is an exaggeration.  I will say, however, when we were out of town for 7 days during Christmas week, I saw one of their phone numbers show up on caller ID three times.  During Christmas.

They always call at the same time of day…around 2 or 2:30.  Which is naptime around here.  So I can’t just let the phone ring and let the machine get it because it’s loud.  Not that we tip-toe around the house during naptime, I just want to be sure that the folks napping have no reason to wake up.  I loooove naptime!!!

Historically, I have always tried to be courteous to telemarketers.  I am sure it is a miserable job.  However, life is full of choices.  If the job stinks, then find something else to do.  There are very creative ways to make money!  In the past couple of weeks, I have tried being nice to the US Bank telemarketers:

Me:  No, Phillip isn’t here.  He isn’t interested in making any changes with regard to his account at this time.  Thanks anyway.  Would you please take our phone number out of the telemarketing list?  


Them:  Uh, yeah, sure.  We’ll try back at a more convenient time to speak to Phillip. 

This was how it went for a few phone calls.  Then, the calls began to get a bit more nasty as they began to occur more often.

Me:  No, Phillip isn’t here.  He is NEVER here at this hour.  No matter how many more times you call during this hour, he will still not be here.  How’s about you go ahead and taking us off of your calling list?  He doesn’t want to change anything about his accounts.


Them:  That’s not really anything I can discuss with you.  I am only authorized to speak with Phillip.  


Me:  Then stop calling MY phone number!  And please, please take me off your telemarketing list.

Then the calls progressed to the same as above, along with this:

Me:  No, Phillip isn’t here.  You ALWAYS call during my kids’ naptimes.  What is wrong with your listening skills?  Do not call here.  Take me off your list.  


Them:  Only Phillip can tell us to remove his number from the telemarketing list.  I am sorry for the inconvenience.


Me:  You know nothing about inconvenience.  It is so much more than inconvenient when you wake up my little kids from their naptime.  It is more than inconvenient when they are crabby the rest of the day because of you.  US Bank makes my day miserable.  Do you think we are going to sign up for ANY of your products now?  Calling here is a waste of your time and mine.  I do not want you to call my phone number again.  Do you understand?  DO NOT CALL HERE AGAIN!  

So it went last week, just like above.  Except this time I lost it.  I mean I absolutely, totally lost any amount of dignity and decorum and totally went off.  It was rather ugly.  Granted, some type of rage or something had been brewing in me all day.  I even excused Archie from school work because I could feel the meltdown coming and didn’t want to have a reason to direct it toward him.

I gave it to the telemarketer that called me, then I called US Bank and gave it to them.  I melted down so much that I was yelling and crying by the time I got fed up and hung up.  To their credit, they never hung up on me.  Even after the not-very-nice words I might have used right there at the end.

I felt horrible for losing my cool in hearing distance of Archie and perhaps our neighbours next door and maybe the ones across the street as well.  I was upset for the rest of the day that I let them push me to the brink of crazy.  I would like nothing better than to be able to call the girls back that got the worst of my wrath and apologize for being so undignified, but I know I will never be able to get the same call center, or perhaps even the same country.  So this is my public apology to US Bank and to the two girls to whom I wasn’t very nice.  I apologize for being such a crazy person to you.  I wasn’t being a good example of a dignified lady or a human being.  I need to problem-solve in more creative ways and remember that someone else is learning how to behave from me.  But don’t call me.  Not my house.  Not ever.

I told Phillip to be sure to let them know not to ring our line again.  I don’t know if he ever passed the message along, but I haven’t heard from them again, and it’s been a week now.

And to those family or friends who have an account at US Bank:  Next time you go in or have any personal dealings with them, give ‘em a middle finger salute and tell them it’s from me.  Um…drats…there I go again…sorry.