Unpublished Writings--Friends and Meltdowns

I found this piece I wrote last winter or early spring.  

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Since late December and January, we have a few families with young kids here at the campground.  It has been great for my little ones, as they now have friends to play with during the day.  They are longer term stayers, as they are traveling with their husbands, going where the work is.  One family is staying through June and one is deciding whether to move on in April when her husband’s work goes to Gulfport, or stay on longer here and have him commute.  I can understand why it would be a tough decision to leave, because there are very few campgrounds as nice and family-oriented as this one.  Both of the moms have told me how hard it is to find a campground where they can just let their kids go outside and play, where they will be safe.  There is no place like Presley’s! 

Having these families around has been mostly good for me, as it cuts down on the sibling fighting since the little ones are busy with their friends during downtime at home.  Both the moms are super nice and I enjoy chatting with them.  Last winter, we only had one family with kids here.  The two boys were Archie’s age.  They moved on last spring, and we still miss them very much.  Archie seems to have a difficult time bouncing back from goodbyes.  Unfortunately, goodbyes are an inevitable part of life.  I hope he is able to integrate in with some of the older summer kids when they arrive this year. 

Here are Archie's buds, Matthew and Hunter at an Easter function we had at our church.  The three amigos!

The families here are mostly great because they respect a quiet, family-only morning.  In general, we start slowly and do our inside things like coloring, documentaries, reading, playing games, etc. My neighbor Crys told me that *my* kids seem to be the catalysts for all outside play.  It is all quiet and still in the campground until the Dutton kids emerge.  It doesn’t take long before all the other kids come outside as well.  She told me that days when I work and we aren’t here, she doesn’t see anyone playing outside!   

With new kids, we have had a couple of hiccups with regard to boundaries.  I enjoy an excellent relationship with my neighbor, Susan.  She seems to enjoy my family and I really value her friendship and presence in my life.  Shortly after the new families arrived, the kids started pushing boundaries with her and I have had to correct that.  No climbing on Miss Susan’s golf cart.  No going on her screened-in porch when she isn’t home, or you aren’t invited.  Stuff my little ones already know, but seem to have forgotten now that they have a gang of kids to run with.  I think we have conquered this particular hiccup, but my little ones still ‘forget’ family rules on occasion when they are running with other kids.  Mostly, they ‘forget’ to come and tell me they are going to the beach to play in the sand.  I don’t mind, but if they are going to be near the water, I want to know about it so I can pay a little extra attention and know where to check on them.

Setting my own boundaries with the other children has been a challenge for me as well.  I don’t mind passing out snacks or drinks, or making a couple of sandwiches for other children every now and then.  However, it was beginning to get out of my comfort zone.  I knew it was bad when Archie began to refer to our house as The Dutton Café.  The Dutton Café?  Really?  It started out as one asking for a snack.  Which was totally fine.  Then the older one saw that the younger one had a snack and asked for one too.  The next day, the little one asked for a sandwich.  Then the older one, upon finding out that the younger had a sandwich, needed one too.  But she needed grilled cheese.  Ummm…alright.  The older one seemed to have a hard time stopping after that.  It was oranges, crackers, granola bars, sandwiches, drinks, for the next several days.  Can I come in your camper?  What kind of snacks do you have?  Can I come in your camper?  Will you make me a grilled cheese?  Can I come in your camper?  Will you make me an ice cream malt?  All the while, Archie would chuckle and make fun of me about the Dutton Café being opened for business. 

This went on for a little while.  I had a stash of bottled water outside under my camper (because campground water is gross all by itself) for me to drink.  My kids would rather have sugared up beverages, so I keep a supply of tea made for them.  When Lawrence and the older girl came back from playing in the dirt pile, I asked Archie to help bring all their toys back.  He brought back seven! seven bottles of partially drunk bottled waters from the dirt pile where Lawrence and she was playing.  For the two of them.  Seven of them!  Boy, was I mad!  Part of it is my own baggage:  that I feel slightly guilty for paying money for something as silly as bottled water, so it is something I value.  And they wasted seven bottles and didn’t even drink them all!  I really let them have it.  I know I over-reacted and made a bigger deal of it than it should have been, but I was done with the boundary-pushing, help yourself-ness.  I had the older girl take all seven waters back to her house, with the hopes that her mom would notice she was bringing back so much water and question her.  I know, a very passive-aggressive and non-confrontational way to handle a grievance, but really!  Seven bottles of water!  And a couple were only opened with one sip out of them! 

The good thing that came out of my little melt-down was that it has effectively shut down the Dutton Café for good.  The oldest did ask for an orange a few days later, but I told her very curtly that we aren’t doing snacks right now, it is time for playing outside.  And that has been that.   I really don’t mind giving, but I don’t want to be expected to give all the time.  And to give stuff I don’t want to give.

I learned not long after that episode that she has been “a little pushy” with the campground owner who kindly hands out free ice cream to kids on occasion.  I have told my kids that under no circumstances were they to *ask* Mr. Lynn for ice cream.  If he would like to offer them the gift of ice cream, then they could accept the gift with appreciation, but we do not ask for things like that.  And he does offer, quite frequently.

Not only does this kid ask for ice cream from the campground owner on a regular basis, but she also asks for drinks, candy and chips.  Archie read her the riot act after he heard her asking for ice cream one day.  But I don’t think it helped.  I suppose her mom doesn’t realize this is going on.  But either way, I certainly set my boundaries.

And of course, Susan and Archie made fun of me for being all stingy with my water, and have brought it up on more than a few occasions!   Susan also knocks on my camper door, puts on a sad face and asks if I have any oranges.  Sometimes, when I go in her house to feed her dog when she isn’t home, I put an orange on her counter!  See?  I’m a giver.  Really, I am!

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2015  All of the families referenced here have moved on, as of June 2015.  Some kids we were really sad to see go.  Others...well...