Settled Houses

I felt like I looked at a thousand houses.  I drove by and walked around many.  But I only went inside one.  

The problem was that I couldn't decide what in the world I wanted for a house. I knew if I bought a house, I didn't want to move again.  This would be the house in which my grandchildren would visit me.  I looked online and drove by lots of them.  Too big, too small, too scary, about to fall.  Phillip and I were in disagreement on what it was we wanted.  Foreclosures vs. newer vs. older vs. land only.  And if land, then partially cleared, all the way cleared, fully wooded, pastures, etc.

Since I had squeezed into a 1300 square foot house with as many as six people, I was looking for something larger (but not too large), with a craft room for me to pursue my own interests.   I wanted a developed yard that was low-ish maintenance and I didn't want to have to wait thirty years for shade trees to grow.  I wanted them already there.   I don't know what Phillip was looking for, really.  I thought it was land or something with acreage and a good shop or place for his car hobby, but he never seemed interested in what I found that had those things.

Finding a Realtor was another obstacle.  We were directed by Phillip's company to one (who also, coincidentally had a kid on Lawrence's tee-ball team) but she was not interested in helping us at all.  We had this experience with more than one Realtor.  It made me realize that Realtors aren't really interested in seeing others get exactly what they want and having no regrets, but they are mostly interested in how things benefit them.  In other words, the Realtors we dealt with tried to make us believe they were interested in helping us, when they were only interested in helping themselves.   They did not have our interests in mind at all.  Realtors seemed to only want to sell cookie-cutter neighborhood houses with no yard that cost a few hundred thousand dollars. One we made it known that we were not looking for those at all, they stopped returning calls, or in the case of the Realtor tee-ball mom, just avoided us altogether.    

I saw a house online while we were still in Cincinnati that interested me.  It was in Bayou Cumbest in Mississippi and had a yard that backed up to a canal.  It was about 10 minutes from Phillip's work.  I had been drooling over it for months.  Well, the price finally went down, and I was thrilled!  I just knew it was a sign from God.  I made an appointment with another Realtor.  We went to see it on a Friday evening after Phillip got off work. 

The owner had renters in it.  Nasty, stinky renters who would not leave for the showing.  The house was a mess and it had a peculiar smell.  It was in way worse shape than the pictures indicated.  I gathered that the renters didn't want to leave, so they mucked up the showings.  

Phillip had a headache and wasn't feeling well, and the whole showing was a bust.  I really thought this one was it.  I had such high hopes.  And they were gone.  This, this was the message, the sign.  I felt like a balloon that had been deflated.  

It was a moment of realization over dinner at Presley's after we had the showing.  I felt worn out and exhausted by the whole process and I was done with it.  

The message from God was crystal clear to me and I was disappointed.  We were to stay put and wait.  Now was not the time.  It took quite a bit of resolve for me to move forward and have peace about this.  Little was I to know that not only would I have peace eventually, but I would love and embrace this camping life and a more simple lifestyle.  But the cold hard truth of that evening hit me hard and put me in quite a funk.   It's not that I hated camping, it was just that I felt a need for our next step to be clear.  Planning ahead is what I do, and I didn't know which couch I'd be sitting on next month.  Time was marching on and it was going to be cold soon.  And there had been so much rain this summer!  If I am not mistaken, this showing took place in September.  Phillip and I were at cross purposes up to this point, I guess because our expectations of the next step were so different.  He had a different vision than I did.  And this was the day and the moment, while we were eating steak at Presley's that I gave up on my vision and expectations and let them all go.

I stopped looking at houses and property online and I stopped paying attention to For Sale signs on the sides of the roads.  I stopped doing drive-bys and I stopped thinking about houses and property altogether.  The answer was loud and clear and extremely disappointing at first.  Not right now. Everything was 'not right now' it seemed.  The Cincinnati house had only one or two showings by this time, and once again, time was marching on.  Houses don't sell as well during the six months of crappy Cincinnati winter weather.  All the 'not right nows' going on during that time were really discouraging.  However, once I accepted them and embraced and enjoyed my moments in the present, instead of pining for something yet to come, I felt much more peaceful and much more gratitude.  Which I guess is where God was leading me all along.  It was a difficult life lesson, but one I am now so happy to have.