Michigan Honeymoon: Shenanigans!!!!

I can say with the utmost confidence that so far, the 'family' honeymoon was going splendidly, the vacation was great and everyone was having a grand time.

Our next part of the trip was to go to Ypsilanti, Michigan, to visit my Uncle Billy (Mom's brother) and Aunt Theresa. Their son (my cousin) Dave was to be married for the last of the three weddings. I have always enjoyed this particular set of cousins...they visited us numerous times in Mobile, AL while I was growing up, so I guess you could say that I knew them better than any of my other cousins. I was really looking forward to seeing how my cousin Cathy was doing in particular, as well as my cousin Greg who just got out of the Marines. I never really know what's going on anymore with the rest of their family, so it promised to be an adventure. And an adventure it was. Quite the adventure.

We were unsure as to how to work the sleeping arrangements. Mom, Dad, Marty, Sara, myself and my kiddos all wanted to stay together. I don't get to see my folks that often, so I wanted to be WITH them instead of seeing them occasionally. My Uncle Billy and Aunt Theresa house lots of people all the time, so we didn't feel it would be a good choice to stay there. A cottage at a lake was mentioned to be available for us to use, but unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) it didn't work out that Billy could use it that week. However, the same cottage guy had a house that we could use. At no cost! Yippee! Mom asked if there were beds there, and Billy said that of course there were beds. Mom checked with the rest of us as soon as she found out. We didn't see any problem with it. It actually sounded quite good, taking everything at face value. So it was decided.

So we get to Uncle Billy's and find out that they are not only housing lots of people, but also housing this child-eating dog for the week. GASP! And he originally proposed we stay there? With my children and this biting dog??? The first hint of shenanigans began to rear it's ugly head. I think my Aunt Theresa was pretty pissed about the dog, but what was done was done. As it turns out, the dog doesn't like children, my Dad or black people. My cousin Cathy's husband is black, and as it turns out they have bi-racial children. Who the dog also hates. Cathy and I were gleefully making secret plans to off this ridiculous dog. Fortunately, we made it through the whole visit without being bit. Cathy and her husband couldn't say the same. :-( Shenanigans!

So shortly after we arrive, Marty, Sara and I drove to the house to unload all the luggage which had been strapped to the roof of my car. I dunno if you have ever been in a house that's been foreclosed. I had been in lots of them when we were looking for a house in Cincinnati. Foreclosures usually have lots of odd problems. Lighting fixtures ripped out, gross floors, piles of garbage everywhere, a pile of old clothes here and there, weird smells, etc. This house was no exception. There was even rotten food in the refrigerator and a pot of spaghetti on the counter, complete with dirty dishes still in the sink. This was no foreclosure, but a tenant who prolly skipped out on rent. The weird thing was that they left piles of stuff in the livingroom. We hesitantly left our luggage in a cleaned out room 'cause, well, we had to do SOMETHING with it, and met up back at Billy's. We felt kinda hesitant because we didn't know if people were coming back to get all that crap, eat the remaining spaghetti, or what. Shenanigans!

Most people would probably go ahead and get the hotel now. No, not us. We don't give up that easily! Plus, we knew Billy was trying to do something nice by helping. But I have to say, in hindsight, had we all the pertinent information before we arrived, we would've with out hesitation done the hotel. Or made other arrangements.

So finally about eleven o'clock at night, exhausted and past ready for bed, we arrive with a huge truckload of mattresses and bedding stuff. Mind you, we were totally under the impression that my Uncle wouldn't have to go to a bunch of trouble. So after he personally delivered a whole bunch of mattresses, I felt we were kinda stuck there. So I sucked it up and got ready to make the best of it. Another weird thing was that when we arrived, the pot of spaghetti was gone, some of the crap had been moved around and someone vacuumed the carpet. Hmmmm.....Making me a bit more nervous now. Who was coming in, who all had keys to this house and would they take all our stuff with them when they left?

Except, the mysterious vacumming person failed to notice the nasty layer of goo on the the kitchen floor. It kept trying to attach itself to my shoes. I didn't put Lawrence down until I could get a chance to scrub it. Much like Scarlett O'Hara, I decided I'd do that tomorrow. I was much too tired today. So I tried to put the Shenanigans out of my mind and get to sleep.

Marty and Sara had a bit more trouble putting the shenanigans out of their minds, however. You know you can rightfully declare Shenanigans on your honeymoon if you have to do this to the front door before you go to bed to feel safe: Yikes!!

Archie thought the house was too scary, which he told me over and over again. Sara made reference to spirits possibly living there (because of all the 'other people's stuff' hanging around) as I was desparately trying to get her attention to tell her to stop talking about spirits!

The honeymoon suite. What you're not seeing is the piles and piles of junk just a couple of feet from the foot of the mattress. But on the plus side, they did get to sleep next to the scary brown couch.



It's not that we minded sleeping on the floor or anything. Being a camping aficionado, sleeping on the ground isn't really foreign to me. It was just that this whole situation was really bizarre. Chock full of shenanigans!

The next morning I got up and had it in my mind to scrub the kitchen floor so at least I could put Lawrence down for a bit. So I turn on the sink to get some hot, soapy water going. Shenanigans AGAIN!!! No hot water!!!! I found a pot in the bathroom that was pretty big and boiled up some hot water on the stove to get the floor clean. Dad and I got the first layer of grime off, but that was the best we could do with the tiny bit of Spic-n-Span we found in the house. At least I hope it was Spic-n-Span.

I went down to the basement to check the hot water heater, perhaps to light the pilot. Of course, the gas company had big scary signs all over the thing saying Danger, Don't Light This For Fear of Imminent Explosion.

*Hee hee.* I exaggerate. It just said Danger, Do Not Use. Many, many times.

Sara was the only one of us who would man up and take an ice cold shower. They brought their own soap and towels. You know, in case of Shenanigans. I did too. Mom heated some more water in the giant pot on the stove and Lawrence was the only one of us who got a hot bath. In the kitchen sink. And no, none of those dishes behind him were used by us. That's where they were when we got there.

Every time we came back to the house, it seemed like things were moved around slightly. Which made everyone increasingly uncomfortable. Plus there was this odd smell. You know the smell of a sandwich (or perhaps sixteen of them?) with old mayonaise that's sat out for waaaay too long? The room off right off the kitchen had that smell, and incidentally, a lot of junk in it too. There was no way I was going in search of The Smell to remove the source, but it was making me increasingly nauseous every time I went into the kitchen.



The last straw came when I was trying to use the cell phone to check in with Phillip. No one had any signal at this house. It was like the Twilight Zone. So up the four-inch wide steep stairs I climb trying to see if I can get a better signal being 'up' instead of down. The steps were very much like a ladder more than a stairway. Which is why none of us were sleeping upstairs. Of course I got nothing. No signal. So on step number two from the top, my foot slipped and I went ALL the way down. It felt much like our outta control skiing adventure. I could do nothing except for make sure I stayed on my butt instead of rolling over on my stomach and wait for it all to end. SHENANIGANS! SHENANIGANS! AND SHENANIGANS AGAIN!



So when I arrive at the bottom, with my very alarmed family standing all around, Dad had a bit of a Christmas Story moment. You know, after the dogs came in and destroyed the turkey and they decide to go out for dinner? That was how he said it. "That does it! We're getting a hotel!"



It's not good for pregnant people to fall down a flight of steep stairs. Fortunately, all is good with the baby and the only injury I ended up with was a black toe, a very sore foot, hand and arm. My toe, foot and butt the brunt of the blows. So the family teased me afterward about wishing I had fallen the previous night so we could've gone to a hotel sooner. Archie whispered to me that night that he was really excited about the hotel room and to leave the Scary House.



We got the hotel rooms first thing the next morning, just in the nick of time as there was a big NASCAR race going on at the track up the street and the hotel booked up before the evening. It was only a Sleep Inn (similar to Comfort or Quality Inn) but I've gotta say, after The House experience, it was like being in a five-star hotel!! Oh, the hot water! The clean floors! The internet and cell services were superb! Only the cleaning crew came into our rooms during the day. We didn't sleep with a chair jammed underneath the door knob! Luxuries indeed!



We ended up having a terrific time at Uncle Billy's, with the exception of The House. And The Child-Eating Dog. Since I got the shenanigans off my chest, I will post our adventures with Billy Theresa and my cousins next. We really did have a nice time with them. Their family is big, lots of fun, and there's always interesting things going on.



I don't mean to sound as ungrateful as this post is probably going to come across. I know my Uncle was just trying to help because he really wanted us to stay the rest of the week for his son's wedding. Which we would've done, house or no house. It would have been nice to have ALL the information so we could make an informed decision. It was just such an odd situation, weird, almost tragic, and a teensy bit humourous all rolled up into one. And like it or not, it's part of the Family History of the Duttons now. And The Honeymooners. Sara really got initiated into the family. If she didn't turn tail and run after The House, then I immagine she'll stick around!! An excellent testing ground, I think!