The Rental Car Debacle

In order to travel to Mobile to visit our family last week, Phillip decided I should rent a car rather than take the Saturn. We've had the Saturn just under a year and have already put 23 thousand miles on it. So after some calculations, we decided that if I got an economy that got 30 or better miles per gallon, I would still come out better financially than if I drove the Saturn, which doesn't get as many mpg.

On Friday morning, I headed out to the Enterprise to rent the car for Saturday. As it turns out, Enterprise would be all out of cars on Easter Weekend. Who knew that Easter was such a travel weekend? I didn't, or I would've made the reservation sooner! So I drove down the road to check some of the other rental places. I came across an Avis and stopped in. Bingo! I was able to make my reservation for an economy/compact sized car on Saturday! Hurray!

Phillip was driving the motorcycle down to Mobile on Saturday, so he left early. He had to go back to work next week and couldn't stay as long as we did. I just don't have it in me to drive twelve hours on Saturday to Mobile and then drive another twelve on Monday to go home again. I need some recovery time!

Saturday morning, I headed down to Avis to pick up my rental. I was a little curious becase there were very few cars in the lot...in particular, no compact cars. But, I had made a reservation which 'reserves' my car. Perhaps it was in the back of the building getting vaccuumed or whatever. So no trouble, right?

The guy at the counter was a trainee and the only one there on Saturday. He told me there was a problem...they ran out of cars! It reminded me a bit of the Seinfield episode where Jerry is renting a car and explains to the clerk that anyone can 'take' a reservation...The reservation is the thing that 'holds' the car. And that's what they were having trouble with...the holding of the reservation. But I figured explaining this to the poor sap behind the counter wasn't going to get me in any better shape. And I was right, because apparently he had been yelled at and cursed at all morning long. I figure the people probably didn't leave there any happier.

Most of the time, being nice is more effective than being a jerk in those situations, which was the case this time. The guy points out the window and asks me if 'that' car would be okay. It was the last one and a couple of steps up from Compact. He told me I could get the car for the same price as the compact, since I had made a reservation. So I look out the window and see what he's pointing at. A large light blue Mercury Grand Marquis. Yes...it's an OLD PERSON'S CAR! No offense to the oldster set...I've got nothing but love for y'all...but this car just screamed old guy.

I was having trouble deciding what to do...Phillip was on the motorcycyle somewhere in Kentucky and wouldn't be able to answer his phone til he stopped. So I couldn't ask him what he wanted me to do. I was trying to think...what would make him less mad...showing up in the Saturn, putting an additional 1500 miles on it, or showing up in this monsterous v8 gas guzzler. In the end, I decided to go ahead and take the car. Since I was getting it for the Compact Car price.

So I get in the car and can barely see above the steering wheel. All I needed now was to go to the hair dresser and get my hair fixed. You know...my blue hair. Because driving this car added about 50 years to my present age.

I get the car home and get packed. I was looking at the radio to figure out which type of hookup my mp3 player would need to make it work through the car speakers. And whaddya know...NO mp3 hookup! I started checking to find out what year the car was built. Because what car nowadays is built without the auxiliary mp3 player hookup? Apparently the Mercury Grand Marquis is! Because OLD PEOPLE DON'T USE THE NEW-FANGLED MP3 PLAYERS!!!! The car only had eleven thousand miles on it. Which means it had to be a late '07 or an early '08 model.

I called the rental guy back to see if they had miraculously received any smaller cars. I was not entirely comfortable driving this tank and would've liked a smaller car. But of course, they did not. All they had left that was smaller was luxury, and they wouldn't give me the luxury at the compact price.

I asked Morgan before we left if she'd like to invite a few friends to come along. We had a ton of space in the enormous trunk and back seat! Archie sat back there on the way down and had plenty of room to play and bounce around. He thought it was great!

I figured out why the oldster set buys those seat cushions for their cars. It's because their seats are uncomfortable for long periods of time. My 'lower cheeks' were numb by the time we arrived in Mobile.

Here is a picture of my old guy car...As you can probably tell this was taken in Mobile. We don't do flowers in Cincinnati yet. It's not really spring here. Like photos of the Grand Canyon, this picture doesn't accurately convey the moment. Perhaps a front view would've been better. It would've better captured the 1980's body style.

I've never quite tied my identity with the car I drive...like Phillip does. I remember in high school my friend Janis's dad drove an old brownish (I think) truck. When he would drop us off at the mall, Janis would ask him to drop us off waaaay in the back of the parking lot. Not at the entrance because she was embarrassed to be riding in that truck. I never was...I didn't care one bit. I was never embarrassed by the car I drove, because it was just something to get me from point A to point B.

Until now. I suddenly felt the need to explain to people at the gas station why I was driving this car. No, I'm not 85! It's a rental! I promise! I would never buy something like this! I have a few good years left! I was picturing riding up next to other old guys at the red lights while they look over, nod appreciatively and give me the 'thumbs up' sign. "Cool car, young lady!", they would be saying.

Incidentally, Phillip thought it was quite funny my showing up in this car. He laughed a lot on the way to church on Easter morning. My whole family had old person comments during our entire stay in Mobile. This is what I miss most about moving away...my family making fun of my circumstances...now when are we going to be back in Cincinnati where I can ditch this ridiculous car????

Much more to come...